Wizard's Cove

Monday, February 13, 2006

Fucking Bitters!

So I didn't have a chance to write about it till now, but on Saturday when I closed, I freaked out and blew up at Rochel. She goes out the wrong door in expo (and I know managers are allowed), but I say - in jest - "Hey! wrong door." You know what the hell that Bitch did... She turns her fat ass around and bites me on the arm. And not some small bite either. Hard enough that I felt the need to ask D-Train if she broke skin. Needless to say I fucking lost it. I turned around and said "What the fuck are you doing?" guess I caught her off guard because she looked up in quite shock. "What the fuck was that?" I said again. Her reply... "I didn't go out the wrong door." Who the fuck cares if you went out the wrong door! What the fuck are you doing biting me?!" Then she says "Oh! I didn't know you didn't like that" "Like it!... What the Fuck kind of manager goes around biting their Fucking Employees?" Now rather than apologizing the bitch starts asking me "Are you going to be alright?" over and over again. This made me even madder. "What the fuck is ok? What the Fuck does ok mean?" Then she says "I just wanna know if your gonna be mad for the rest of the night." I was so fucking mad I just gave her some cut eye and walked away.
For those of you who don't know, I got myself ordained online, so now I am Rev. Noah West. So I walk up to her in my capacity as 'man of the cloth' and say "Just so you know, I'm a man of the cloth, your going to hell" I walked away balling with laughter.
As my last act of anger, I went to the MOD board and wrote a note under her name saying that if any managers decide to take it upon themselves to bite an employee, then they might consider getting that employees express permission prior to this. And that if a male employee did this to a female employee that they would be fired and charged with sexual harassment.
What happens next is truly remarkable. Julie comes to me and tells me to go take a smoke brake. I don't smoke I tell her. Just go take a 'non' smoke brake she tells me... I have work to do I tell her... I have to clean my tables etc. "I'll do it" She tells me. Ok I think... She must be up to something but I might as well play along. Ok! I'll go. So I drop of my dishes in dish pit, and as I'm about to go outside, Roch corners me and asks to talk... In front of a camera in the stairwell (so she cant be charged with sexual harassment obviously) What can I say but yes. So we go and start talking, and no sooner does she say that she is sorry, but she starts balling her eyes out. So now I don't know weather to be angry or sad or what... Well, might as well be consistent. Sorry for putting it up on the MOD board which made you cry, but that changes nothing about you being wrong. Don't ever bite me again!
-The End-

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Pleasure Of A Leaf


Today I realized the pleasure of a leaf. How absolutely lost those misguided fools are who would study life in labs and bottles. How removed they are from ever really knowing the leaf. How closely they peer and yet so far from my leaf. They say it is made of this or that. But what is a leaf without the feel; smell; sound; look; taste? Can you imagine a leaf without imagining the way you sense it? And if you could with numbers and biological or chemical equations write it out on a chalkboard, still no leaf would there be.

I imagined a leaf today and for a moment, an endless moment, I was transported to another world of sounds and smells, and all my senses were filled with this life. How beautiful.

And once I had returned from this reality to the one that we both now reside, I reached out for my leaf. I gazed out the window, and as I searched, I realized just then that it had been in a dream; another life. My leaves were gone with all their senses; and too the leaves of this world are gone. A skeletal tree resides in its place like the chalkboard of abstract leaves. Oh Spring! Summer! Fall! I can't wait for your arrival to experience the leaves in ways I can only do when I escape the boundaries that society has erected around me. Like a child I rejoice.

And then I think: Oh Snowflake! It has been so long since I have seen you; touched you; smelt you; heard you; tasted you on my tongue. I smile and rejoice. I think I must go out and play while I can. For only in winter can you and I once again be acquainted...

Monday, January 23, 2006

Sickest Comic Book Ever!

So I was out buying comic books recently when I lucked out and found the sickest comic book I've seen in all the years of my collecting. Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk. In it, Wolvie is hired by S.H.I.E.L.D. to go track down Hulk who until now was thought dead (they bombed him w/ a nuke and he survived... Fuck!). Anyways, so Wolvie tracks him down and finds him in a room, sporting a hundred or so butt naked chicks from the neighboring village, and they go at it. The long and short of it can be seen below as Hulk rips Wolverine in two pieces and throws his lower half for miles away... get this... up a Fucking Mountain! We'll all have to wait to see what happens in the next part of this thrilling mini-series, but at present, wolverine has just regained consciousness, and is using his claws to scale the mountain with his entrails hanging out. Look out Hulky baby, Wolverine is gonna fuck you up for that one bub.